Social Media is an amplifier, it exacerbates and morphs qualities of our normal social habits into something more.  We all project the sides of ourselves that we're proud of, or that will garner us more attention, when in more public settings.  Sometimes people talk about the less savory portions of their lives because the attention is more important to them and they've twisted it into a point of pride vs. shame, and sometimes...more rarely...there are pure altruistic reasons for sharing ones demons to the masses.  

For some people, the "flawed person who is just like you" is part of their crafted image.."if I can do it, you can too".  It's a bit of a martyr syndrome.  For others, like my friend, that image is always the consummate professional.  The communications put out to the public are ones always intended to enhance that image, anything else would be difficult for them to say the least.  I certainly resemble the latter more than the former.

It's that group of people that are the most difficult to truly 'know'.  In the offline world it has more opportunity to occur organically if you are around that person enough, it's much more difficult to keep up a veneer when face to face with someone day after day in a private setting.  But in social media?  Not so much.

I thought I knew my friend well enough, we had...I thought...cracked that veneer as he'd opened up to me about some of his personal troubles at home.  But make no mistake, I didn't have a clue as to the real turmoil taking place in his brain.  I spoke with him two days before he carried a gun to his church and turned it on himself, and still had no inkling.  None.  Whatsoever.

I spent the night wondering if there was something I could have done, something I missed along the way while talking when I should have been listening.  I still don't know.  What I know for sure however, is that I didn't know him as well as I thought I did.

One thing I've discovered in social media as I've become friends with most of the major players in the space, is that the perception rarely ever resembles the reality.  Most of the people considered successful in this space are struggling and flawed.  They also have a tougher time reaching out and talking about that with anyone because they can't afford for the world to see the reality of their lives.  Their success is based upon that image.  You would think that would have taught me to look behind the curtain a little harder, to dig a little deeper, to make people I also know offline understand that they can trust in me enough to offload some of the albatrosses hanging around their necks.  It didn't.  I was raised to stay out of peoples business until they choose to bring you into it.  I'm not so sure that's always the best policy anymore.  I'm not sure of much of anything at this point.

I'm confused.  I'm angry.  I'm sad.  I hurt for his friends who knew him better than I, because if I feel this way are they feeling the same things but worse?  I get pissed and think "Fuck you for leaving six kids behind, how could you!", then labor over the guilt of those thoughts.  I don't know what to feel.

Do I know you?  Do I *really* know you?  If I don't, please know that I want to and am a safe harbor.

For information on those dealing with a suicide, or needing help/prevention the following page has a list of links.  http://griefnet.org/resources/suicide.html