Warning Will Robinson!
For 17 yrs, every presentation I've ever given has started with a slide that contains the following items (the cellphone item was added slightly later). It's done with a bit of humor, lightens the mood, sets the stage, etc. but it also accomplishes a great deal and has avoided a lot of awkwardness along the way.Lately I've been considering adding one to the list. One intended to stop those people who come to every presentation with the agenda of asking a question designed to promote themselves.
•Adult language may find its way into this presentation, if you have an allergic condition to such language it is recommended you leave now.
•If you ask me a question, I will not lie to your face, so beware what you ask.
•Now would be a good time to turn your cellphone off .
You know the person, the one that is smarter than the speaker and needs to demonstrate that. The one that wants to plug themselves, the one that wants to hold a debate in the middle of a Q&A and take up the time of everyone who actually does have an interest and a valid question. The one who confuses expressing their opinion with asking a question."Hi, I'm Joe, I run XYZ corporation that does such and such awesome stuff, and I agree/disagree wholeheartedly. What we've found is that .....". That's great Joe...but did you actually have a question?"Hi, I'm Jessie from comebuymystuff.com, I'd like to turn around now and speak more to the audience about my opinions instead of asking a question...""What a fabulous presentation! That is almost exactly like something I wrote over on my blog ihavelotsofopinions.com where I also extended the idea to something much more awesome""That's great, but have you considered that the cyclical nature of psychological response behaviors can be manipulated through the deft inclusion of subliminal calls to action?" Ummm, you mean banner advertising don't you? "Well... yes"
In the middle of a Q&A without a microphone for the crowd people were asking their questions and I would repeat them into the mic before answering so that everyone could hear. I *literally* had someone continue waving me over to them and when I walked over they *took* the microphone from me, stood up and began talking to the audience. No, I'm not kidding.
I swear I think they teach this technique somewhere. "How to attend a conference and come off as a jackass as quickly as possible for only $99.95".
Please people, I'm begging you. If you do this, for the love of all that is holy... don't. Everyone sees through your Einstein-like clever scheme. Everyone hates it. No one has simply been rude enough to tell you so when you do it. They're uncomfortable and embarrassed for you. I, on the other hand, am completely rude enough. I invite you to bring your well-honed technique and attend my presentations. Please.
Cheers,
Matt Ridings - @techguerilla
